Homework, poop, and raising kids smarter than you

Tonight, PPT had homework. A lot of homework. You might even say he had a plethora of homework. How did I know, you ask? The old backpack rule.

Generally, if your offspring can't even lift his/her backpack because of the combined weight of textbooks in there, that's a bad sign. Tonight, PPT's backpack sat in the driveway, mocking me with its promise of sleep deprivation soon to come.

Which leads me to this post...as I sat struggling through stem-leaf math charts and finding median numbers, I had a revelation- I am simply not smart enough to raise a human. Period. I thought I was, when I mastered that whole "talking" and "walking" and "pooping in the toilet" thing. But I'm not.

Sometimes, even The Dictator will remind me how unintelligent I am, and let me tell you- there's nothing like getting schooled by a 4-year old to keep you humble.

Here's the thing (my friend Keri says I always have a thing)- The Dictator is very cute, and very bright, and very funny- but he fights me tooth and nail about pretty much everything, from bedtime to TV shows to what he's going to wear every day. Our latest (and ongoing) fight is about wiping his butt. He thinks I should do it until he's 35 and married with three kids. I disagree. This was how it went down the other day:

D: Mom, I have to go poop and when I'm done, can you wipe my bottom?

M: No, you can wipe your own bottom. I'll check when you're done.

D: (Said in the pitch of a tea kettle) Mooooooom, I can't dooooo it. You need to dooooo it.

M: Dictator, a 5-year old boy should be able to wipe his own butt.

D: But not a 4-year old.

Well played, sir. Well played indeed.

1 people used their Big Boy words to communicate:

Deb said...

oh, i love it! i did LOL! and by the way, I have still been thinking about the whole pottery barn blog thing (i know, get a life) but you know what I REALLY hate? There are a lot of people out there who have these pics on their blog, of them in the hospital holding their newborn, supposedly right after pushing them out, and they look like they just walked out of a hair salon. have you seen any of these? i just don't get it. first, who looks like that? and second, who cares to look like that after being in labor and pushing a kid out? all I can say is that on my blog, the pics of me right after having Dane, well, I was keeping it real!!
thanks for letting me rant.