A driving lesson

The conversation between me and The Dictator on the way to school the other day:

D: Mom, are you supposed to be driving with your elbows?

M: Only when you're putting on lotion. Duh.

Sometimes my magnificent parenting amazes even me.

The cashier at Albertsons is having custody issues...ask me how I know.

Can someone please tell me when it because acceptable for grocery checkers to hold intenstely private conversations in front of customers? Did I miss this newly acceptable behavior?

The other night I was at the store...and yes, it was late, but only like 9:30 or so and there were still PLENTY of people in line, a fact our friendly neighborhood grocer seemed oblivious to.

I was loading my groceries on the conveyor belt, carefully stacking yogurts five high and cereal boxes four deep, already pissed off at my cashier because, dude. Move the freaking belt and we won't have this problem.

So my stuff is on the belt, my wallet is out and he's running my groceries over the beeper (again: Dude. If it doesn't work the first time, it's probably not going to the 14th. Manually enter the goddamn numbers.) The lightning bolts shooting from my retinas were apparently not affecting him at all, because this is the conversation he was having with the bagger (easy on the eyeliner there, young 'un):

"I know, right? I mean, I already got custody of my first son and my other one can't stand his mom. I don't get why I have to keep paying her child support and pay for everything else he needs when she just sits on her ass all day watching soap operas. He's already told me, when he's 18, he's out of there. They can't stand their mom."


Are you shitting me? You're seriously having THIS conversation in front of me (and nine other pissed off customers)? This one? About child custody and how much your kids hate their mom? And this is ACCEPTABLE to you??

The sad thing is, this isn't the first time I've heard about some grocer's boyfriend, or prom date, or custody status, or weight issues...it seriously happens every single time I'm at the store after 8:00.

Look...I'm not exactly "appropriate". But damn, I'm smart enough to know that my stupid ass shouldn't sit and tell my co-worker about the annoying rash I've had for three days in front of a policyholder.

All I'm saying is, your private life should be private, not broadcast to all shoppers at Albertsons on Tustin & Collins. Seriously. Censorship is our friend.

Well, not mine...but you know what I mean.