The Gaga Effect

This morning, while in the car on the way to school and listening to the radio:

D: Mom, what's a vertical stick?


Damn that Lady Gaga.


You know what I hate? Overreactors.

Drama queens.

Flipper outers.

Today as I was driving to work, I maybe wasn't paying as much attention as I should have been. I maybe was talking on the phone and changing the radio station, and I maybe swerved a little bit into the next lane.

Meh. Whatever.

The lady next to me (who I DIDN'T hit, by the way) honked three times, pulled up next to me and stared at me for almost an entire block...which, now that I'm thinking about it, is pretty impressive. How come she didn't swerve while doing so? Hmmmmm. Must master that.

My point is...SERIOUSLY, LADY. Relax. I didn't hit you, or cause a 4-car pile up. I just swerved a teensy, tiny bit. We're both still alive and kicking, although you might want to consult your physician for a Xanax prescription.

Sheesh. Tough crowd.

You like me! You really like me!

So I've been MIA for a few months now, just trying to sort out some shit in my "real" life. This means my blogging life has gone kaput.

Unfortunately, it's hard to be funny when life keeps giving you the big middle finger, so I've taken a blog time out and haven't posted anything in a few months. I thought it wasn't an issue, but...some of yous are bitchin'.

Turns out there are a FEW (very few) folks around these parts who actually LIKE reading my blog, dare I say even look forward to reading it. Huh. Who knew?

So my resolution four months into 2010 is to start blogging again. It won't help me lose weight, or manage my finances better, or end world hunger...but hell, it might make a few of you giggle and as a bonus, get some of this shit running around in my brain all the time out. It's a win/win.

I'll be funny. I promise.

And I'll have great stories and amusing anecdotes. I promise.

But for right now, all I have is this:

- My 6th grader has a better social life than me.

- My Kindergartner is quickly working his way towards juvenile delinquency.

- My husband still has FAR too much spare time.

- If Bad Dog eats one more goddamn thing in this house, I'm going to gas her. Not really, because I love her. But something really, really bad will happen. As soon as I think of it.

- My freckles ARE NOT growing into one giant tan. Lame.

- I wish I could get the garden without the gardening.

That's it folks...for now.