Halloween memories

So as you all know, Halloween has come and gone. And it was fun, like it always is, and I ate 43 pounds of candy, like I always do. Unfortunately, now I'm paying the price, because it's time to start buckling down on Dub-Dubs again...but that's another blog for another time.

My wonderfully domesticated and totally non-dysfunctional family decided to carve pumpkins this year because it seems to be a tradition we've skipped out on the last couple of years.

Now I know why.

Here's what I imagined would happen:

- The Dictator, PPT and his friend (we'll call him 'Goob' because he's the biggest goober on earth besides PPT) will lovingly place their pumpkins on the table.

- The Dictator, PPT and Goob will then proceed to quietly and joyfully scoop out all of the pumpkin guts and place them neatly in a bowl nearby.

- The Dictator, PPT and Goob will take turns copying extremely intricate templates from a book on to their pumpkins, then share with and support one another while they carve their pieces of art.

- The Dictator, PPT and Goob will then gleefully show off their creations and hurry over to the sink to help wash off all the pumpkin guts and remove the seeds in preparation for cooking.

- The Dictator, PPT and Goob will then all congratulate each other on a job well done and clean up.

- Babe and I will watch with joy, hearts swelling with pride at the wonderful little humans our children have become and the amazing memories we're creating with them. I will take pictures of every moment and Babe will patiently help the boys perfect their pumpkins with fatherly love.

- All this will happen in less than 1 hour.

Here's what really happened:

- The Dictator, PPT and Goob fought over who got to use the saw first.

- The Dictator, PPT and Goob fought over who got to spoon out the guts first.

- The Dictator, PPT and Goob whined for 44 minutes about how gross the guts are. In fact, I think the look on PPT's face in this picture pretty much sums it up perfectly.

- The Dictator, PPT and Goob whined about the pumpkin smell.

- PPT whined that his pumpkin was warmer inside than The Dictator's and Goob's. No, really.

- PPT and Goob took approximately 2.5 hours to trace their templates and cut them out. The Dictator gave up after 7 minutes and Babe finished it. At 11:00 p.m.

- PPT accidentally cut on the wrong line and his skull had no eyes. Commence pouting for 25 minutes.

- The Dictator spilled the bowl of guts all over the kitchen floor and then skipped off to watch TV.

- I opted to do the dishes instead of listening to the commotion.

- Good Dog & Bad Dog ate every single pumpkin seed they could find and barfed on the rug later in the evening.

- We finished. 4 hours later.

Here were the astounding, wonderful, simply PHENOMENAL results of our efforts:

That's a skull with no eyes, on the left. And a spiderweb with a spider, on the right. Big kudos to Babe for that one, because The Dictator sure as hell had nothing to do with it.

It's funny, I remember carving pumpkins rather fondly as a child...as an adult, not so much.

Oh, and Halloween? Fun as always. Trick or treating in Old Town, party at the Beasleys', WAY too much sugar. The boys got all hopped up on candy and then crashed hard...when The Dictator murmured the words, "My tummy hurts," visions of regurgitated Sweeties & M&M vomit raced through my head.

Nobody barfed but I'm sure our dentist will be ever so thrilled with us at the next appointment...nothing like cramming candy down the kids' throats and then letting them fall asleep without brushing their teeth. Tooth decay, much?

That's Captain Rex and a Stormtrooper, and the cutest damn ones on earth, in my opinion.

The Dictator went bobbing for apples. Can you tell?

I'm not sure why PPT chose Captain Rex for his costume, when it's fairly obvious that it simply takes a blond wig and cop glasses for him to pull off the coveted 'Chester the Molester' look.

Ah, memories. They're freaking grand, aren't they?