31 Reasons

It's Mother's Day. It's time to celebrate your mom, to pamper her and indulge her and let her know how much she means to you, and how blessed you are to have been raised by her.

Except I don't have a mom anymore. At least, not in physical form.

I hate this freaking holiday. It takes on a totally different meaning when your mom is gone. Instead of shopping for that perfect gift, I watch commercials telling me what to get the woman who raised me, the woman who was my best friend in the world...and I cry. Instead of planning brunch or dinner or figuring out who's going to be where, I stare at her picture and wish she was still here.

Yep, Mother's Day without a mother simply blows.

*Sidenote: FTD, I hope you die. I'm pretty sure my mother doesn't want flowers today, and I'm VERY sure that she's not sending me emails letting me know that...so enough with the emails from "mom" detailing "Here's what I want for Mother's Day!" Seriously. I hate you.

I'm in a funk and I'm not so good at hiding it. My friend Erin realized this (because I posted it on facebook) and suggested I write 31 reasons why I love(d) my mom. 31, because that's how old I am, and reasons because it might heal my heart a bit. It's been a year and it still hurts every bit as much as it did the day I found out, so hey, it can't hurt, right?

31 REASONS I LOVE(D) MY MOM:

1. She was the funniest person I've ever met in my life.

2. She would spend hours preparing a meal because she loved to cook. Totally didn't rub off on me.

3. She had little chicken legs, just like me.

4. When I was older and married and would get migraines, she would drive from Long Beach to Orange to bring me medicine, at the drop of a hat.

5. She was there when both my boys were born.

6. She loved my kids more than she loved me, and appreciated each of them for their (very different) spirits.

7. She sacrificed so her children would be taken care of.

8. She worked her whole life, from 15 years old to when she died at 54, even when she was so sick she couldn't keep her eyes open.

9. She managed to take care of me and my brother even after she was gone.

10. She survived things most people can't and shouldn't.

11. She left my dad when she realized he was bad for us. I was only 2 years old.

12. She was the Medicine Queen. Seriously. Need some Vicodin, Xanax or Midrin? Give her a ring.

13. She was strict. And I was scared of her, until the day she died.

14. She was an old school parent. She wasn't my friend, she was my mother. I didn't argue, I didn't say no, and when I was grounded, my ass was in my room for two weeks.

15. I look very much like her. And so does The Dictator.

16. She made me be a parent when I had The Hormone King at 20 years old, instead of raising him while I went off and partied. I hated her for it then, but loved her for it later.

17. She was the most sarcastic person I've ever known.

18. She wanted to be a better parent than her mother had been. And she was.

19. She loved to watch TLC.

20. She talked to me recently in a dream. She still cares. :)

21. She was one of the most intelligent people I've ever met.

22. She told me she was proud of me before she died.

23. She was very generous, and would give anything she had to someone she loved.

24. She used to say "Happy Natal Day" instead of "Happy Birthday".

25. She taught me to smile instead of cry.

26. I could forge her signature perfectly. She found out and didn't care.

27. She kept every single lame, ugly "thing" her grandchildren gave her. And trust me, some of them were very lame and very ugly.

28. She used to play music throughout the house on the weekends. I grew up listening to The Steve Miller Band, The Beatles and Fleetwood Mac blaring at full volume.

29. She never let me off the hook. She made me own my shit.

30. She was the mentally strongest woman I've ever known.

31. She was my best friend.

Happy Mother's Day, mom. I miss you.