The Hormone King's on a mission

The Hormone King wants a cell phone. In fact, he wants a cell phone so bad that he gave all his friends (and a few little 5th grade floozies) my cell phone number so that none of them would know he's the poor trashy boy at the expensive private school with (gasp!) no cell phone.

This means that I get 46 texts a day that look a little something like this:

"do u know who likes u lol? dont tell ne1 i told you, k? g2g lol"

What the hell kind of freaking language is that, anyway? Sorry kiddos, I don't speak textese, and shouldn't you be out playing Barbies or braiding each others' hair? For the love of God, you're in 5th grade, stop trying to whore yourself out to my son.

So anyway...

Despite the fact that he's 10 1/2 years old, and that we've never dropped him off and not come back for him, and that he has never in his life walked anywhere by himself, much less the 3 miles to school...The Hormone King is on a mission to earn his much-needed cell phone by proving himself responsible.

When I got home from a baseball meeting tonight, everyone was in bed and this was the note I found on his dresser:

Can't read it? Here's what it says, verbatim:

"Mom I packed my homework so don't get scared if you can't find my homework. I'm taking responsibility so I can get that phone I really want. P.S. It's only $10!!! Got my assingment book signed, and put my close away and got new close out, and after practice I will pick up poop even if it goes to dark. If I don't pick it up, then ground me. And I picked up my room. Sorry for argueing with you about the phone. P.S.J.R. You are the best mom. Thanks for looking after me!!!" (and a picture of a stick figure with snot coming out of his nose, and a note that says 'snot.')

To clarify, the poop he's speaking of is canine, not human. Although human would make for a much more interesting evening.

Sometimes, all it takes is a misspelled word on wide-ruled paper from The Hormone King to make my day. And if said note just happens to also contain an illustration of snot...well, shit, that just about makes my whole week.

6 people used their Big Boy words to communicate:

Deb said...

that note is so sweet! yeah, he really wants that phone! that note is a keeper!

Evilpotpourri said...

Thats just about the most adorable thing ever!!! Boys...beasts one minute...melting your heart the next♥ You should frame that note! Oh and get him the phone!

Angela said...

Just think, $10 can buy you a permanent canine poop picker-upper, and if homework isn't done...you can take it away, and if he still doesn't do it, you can text all those little hookers and tell them that he's named his wiener Larry :)

lfamily5 said...

He should write a book about "How to Get What you Want from your Mom" - he knew exactly how to soften you up, mama! That is really adorable! So, are you getting him a phone?

jen said...

ha ha ha!! that is so funny. what is the snot about??....you better not give in (even though that note is awesome)...you don't want those floosy's texting him in private. atleast you can read what they write. and who are these parents that give their 10 years olds cell phones. really, is it necessary>>

jen said...

ps. i HATE word verification. get rid of it..now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!