Dear Time Warner Cable

Dear Time Warner Cable,

Pardon my language, but just shitgoddamnasssonofabitch you.

It's 12:20 a.m. on a Monday morning, and I'm finally sitting down anxiously to watch my DVR-ed episode of Dexter I've been looking forward to all night. Yes, it means I'll be up until 1:15 on a work night, but for my adorable little serial killer, I'm willing to make the sacrifice. This simply can't wait until tomorrow.

So I cozy down in my loveseat and start my beloved Dexter, and all is right in the world. Until I realize that holy shitbricks and coffee cakes, I'm going to have a seizure any minute. Why, Time Warner Cable, you want to know why?

Because you suck ass. And my digital cable looks like it's being run by a crack whore all juiced up on speed. My eyeballs are shaking from trying to focus, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a migraine in 14 minutes. Maybe I'll try crossing my eyes and jumping up and down, because judging by the quality of the "picture" on my TV, that might actually work.

I hate you. And Dexter hates you. Ack. That's all I have to say to you.

Bite my ass,

Shannon
A horribly pissed-off Orange customer, currently making plans to call The Dish Network asap.

P.S. If you'd like to keep me as a bill payer, fix my Dexter. And find out what's up with Jimmy Smit's accent. Why is every other word he says in Spanish? I can barely keep up with this intelligent series banter in English, now I have to figure out Spanish too? Great.