Dear Internet Spam (part 2)

Dear Internet Spam,


We've already had this conversation. I made it very clear that I'm willing to accept your presence in my technologically-challenged life, but some concessions need to be made on your end. I don't think that's asking too much.

I was very specific. Look, I'll even refer back to my original letter for you. If you're willing to take 2 minutes away from your 'sending-penis-emails-to-Shannon' time, kindly click this link: and review my requirements for maintaining a happy Internet working environment.

*crickets chirping*

I'm still waiting.

*more crickets*

Fine. It's fairly obvious to me that you're not going to honor my requests. You're apparently a huge asshole with a wicked mean streak.


But one last thing...pretty, pretty please...cut back on the erection ads.


I came back to work from a 4-day weekend and had 561 emails. I honestly thought I was the super-coolest, most popular girl in all of Internetville.

Until I realized that 432 of them were dong emails.

432 of them. Dong emails.

Let's get something straight...I'm not a boy. I don't have a wiener. I don't need need Viagra. I don't need Cialis. I don't need hours of my pleasure maximized.

Why don't you speak English? And why can't you spell? And who ever taught you it was okay to just throw random words together to make a sentence? NEWSFLASH: 'Unruffled cleavage but cargo bay', 'Load bearing curse and demon' and 'Bonbons and pills' are NOT good intros to a successful penis pill sale.

Actually, the last one sounds fun.


Sir Internet Spam, I tried being kind. I was very clear and concise with my requests, but you are choosing to blatantly ignore my needs. You're a selfish bastard. I hate you. Die.

Or at least send pictures too.

2 people used their Big Boy words to communicate:

M1ch3lle 5 said...

Shan0n, stary clown p3nis shetlan pony b0ob midget v1agra...OK, I give in, I'll stop sending you spam.

lfamily5 said...

Thank You! I can't stand those stupid spam mails either! Never a dull post on your blog...I LOVE it, have I told you that?