Dear Crazy Bitch

Dear Crazy Bitch driving the Nissan truck in my son's preschool parking lot,

Really?!?! Really?!?! You were really in such a hurry this morning that you couldn't wait for me to close my driver side door and/or make sure my offspring was not in the path of your wheels before backing out? Really?

I pulled in to my son's preschool this morning and parked my car next to yours, in between the white lines like a good little driver does (which is more than I can say for you). Since you apparently did not have the ability to fit your vehicle in the oh, I don't know...six feet of width alloted to you, you were over the lines, but I hugged the car next to me and made it work. Because I'm awesome, and you suck ass.

I opened my driver side door and squeezed my fat ass out a 4-inch crack because I didn't want to hit your car. Courtesy, you stupid whore, I'm all about courtesy. I completely crushed two boobies but made it out and opened The Dictator's sliding door in the back. He got out, got his lunchbox and we were good to go.

Until you came roaring out of the school gates, dragging your older, obviously miserable child with you. You were back in your car faster than I could say "Holy shit, that crazy bitch is running in the parking lot!", and although I'm pretty sure your child wasn't even sitting down, much less buckled in, you started backing up.

Three inches away from me and The Dictator.

In fact, you were so close to us, that you hit me with your side mirror as you were screeching out. YOU HIT ME WITH YOUR SIDE MIRROR. With my 5-year old standing right next to me, hugging me (and the car) as tightly as he could.

You're lucky I didn't sic his angry ass on you.

So, all I have to say is, REALLY?!?! You really couldn't wait 15 more seconds for us to get out of the way before attempting to run over a whole gaggle of preschoolers?

Unfortunately, I was so stunned I was only able to get out, "Hey, hey, hey!" like Fat Albert. But next time I see you, Crazy Bitch driving the Nissan truck in my son's preschool parking lot, it's on.

The Dictator's already sharpening his Captain Jack swashbuckling sword.

Not-at-all Sincerely,
The Dictator's mentally unstable and highly aggressive Mom

4 people used their Big Boy words to communicate:

Nina said...

You were much nicer than I ever would have been. I don;t fair well with people acting like that especially when little kids are around.
I am sure it wasn't funny at the time but it made a great blog.

nikkicrumpet said...

Well at least the crazy bitch is great blog fodder...but then so will the Part II of the story when you catch up with her!!!

Deb said...

take her down, shannon!!!!!

Jennifer said...

I wouldn't want to be her tomorrow at school. You get her.