Sex thoughts

The Guy That's Snoring on the Couch always complains that we don't have sex enough. I'm not sure why two times a month isn't enough for that nympho, but I've tried explaining to him the difference between me (complex woman) and him (single cell organism).

Nothing's working, so I'm hoping this can clarify for him.

Here's what's going on in our respective minds as we lay in bed and prepare for "doing it" (as he ever so romantically puts it):

TGTSOTC: Weiner. Vagina. Boobies. Fun. Sleep.

M: God, I'm so tired. I hope I got everything ready for tomorrow. Did I put PPT's cleats in his bag? Does The Dictator have his bedding ready? Did I finish the whites? I think I finished the whites...no, that was the darks. Damn, the whites are still in the washer. Now they're going to mold and the whole washer's going to stink for three days. And I love that washer. It's red, and I love it. I'm so glad I got it, and what a great deal, because I had that coupon from ebay. I love ebay. I need to go on tomorrow, I need a new watch. Watch...shit, what time is it? I'll bet it's late. Did I set the alarm? I can't get up late, PPT's got to be at school at 7:30...7:30! Who in the Hell gets to school at 7:30? That's insane. Is he touching my boobs? He is. I should get a new bra. Note to self: go to Kohl's tomorrow. Look for a white bra, because the pink one you got last time shows through all your shirts, and then you look like a hooker. Hookers have it rough. I can't imagine getting it on with people you don't even know. Did PPT finish his math? I think he did. Poor kid, he's really struggling with that subject. I need to get him a tutor. "Tutor? I don't even know her". Ha, that joke makes me laugh every time. Did I let the dogs out? I should get up and let the dogs out, otherwise Bad Dog will pee in the house, and I'm almost out of dog pee cleaner. I need to go to Home Depot and get more. I should get new plants while I'm there too, because the ones we have need to get the Hell out of my life. Damn shrubbery. I water it and it dies. What's that about? I need to go to the grocery store. I hate the grocery store. But we're out of produce. Did I just think the word 'produce'? Who uses that word? Apparently I do. God, I'm tired. Am I asleep? Am I dreaming? Nope, he's still feeling my boobs, so I must be awake. How is that he falls asleep while I'm talking but all of a sudden when boobs and vag are involved, he's wide awake? Caveman. I saw the new Geico commercial today. Pretty funny. My favorite is still the one where he's in the airport. What time is it now? Can I go to sleep yet?

And that's just a small sample of why we only have sex twice a month.

4 people used their Big Boy words to communicate:

jenni said...

ha ha ha ha!!!

michelle said...

you are hilarious :)

American in Norway said...

That is so friggen funny...

lfamily5 said...

I have to agree with Jenni- Ha Ha Ha! That is hilarious!