Dear Claim Jumper Homeless Lady

Dear Claim Jumper Homeless Lady,

Please learn how to beg properly. You accosted me as I was walking up to Claim Jumper and although I was a bit wary of you initially, I chose to give you a few seconds of my time and engage in the following conversation:

CJHL: Excuse me, do you have anything to spare?

M: I don't, I'm so sorry. (Said insanely nicely, with the so in front of the sorry, the way decent, civilized people do when they deny homeless beggars).

CJHL: You don't have anything at all?

*What I thought in my head:
M: Well, I have a job. And I have bills. And I have migraines. And in exchange for all these pleasantries, I get to eat at Claim Jumper occasionally. But if you're asking if I have cash, sadly, I don't. Driver carries no cash. However, should you in the near future start accepting Mastercard, please give me a shout.

*What I said out loud:
M: I don't, I'm sorry.

Then, Claim Jumper Homeless Lady, you went balls out.

CJHL: Could you buy me a meal then?

WHAT?!?!?!? Lady, are you flipping kidding me? At Claim Jumper?!? Have you seen the prices there? The Guy That's Snoring on the Couch and I both work full time, and we can hardly afford to eat there.

All I'm saying is, if you're going to beg for food and/or money...pick a cheaper location. Try Burger King, which is 10 feet away. Or Albertsons, which is 30 feet away. While I admire your drive and determination to reach your lofty goal of eating 4 pounds of Chicken Fried Steak financed on my credit card, I think you might have more success at another 'restaurant'- perhaps one where the food comes wrapped in paper.

Please, in the future- learn to beg properly.

A Santa Ana Claim Jumper Patron

3 people used their Big Boy words to communicate:

Dai said...


Jenni's friend here! She mentioned you started your own blog and I had to laugh (knowing it would be a funny one). Glad to see you are part of SITS (my friend from HS started that site with her friend). I will definitely be back. I was cracking up! Love the design too - did you do it yourself or have someone from 8 crazy designes do it?

Shannon said...

Hey Dai, now that you've read my blog I'm totally going to add you to my blogroll so I look like I have friends. :) I've been blog stalking you for awhile, so at least now I'm not so creepy. For my layout- check out They have free templates that are super easy to download and so cute. Stalk you later!

Real Live Lesbian said...

Right on. And you were soooo sweet about it. I usually just give them something to make them go away. But it's just always awkward.

I love your layout, too!